Thursday, May 31, 2018
A grief-induced funk.
So a couple weeks ago,
My brother, three of my nieces and my great-nephew came to visit.
I thought to myself,
I need to talk to my brother, see how he's doing. Maybe a talk with him will help me feel better.
And at the same time, I didn't want to bring him down.
Grief is weird.
No matter how close you are to your family.
No matter who is grieving the same person,
You go at your own pace.
It's not something you can do WITH someone.
I didn't realize that.
Now I do.
So I waited for a chance to be alone with my brother to sob to him that I was hurting.
I never got the chance.
We cheered for our runner girls and we cheered for strangers.
I played with Ace (my great nephew) and we bonded.
I had precious time with my nieces.
I heard what they're doing in their lives.
I listened to their goals and dreams and marveled at the women they've become.
And we laughed and laughed.
And when they left, I was walking on air with overwhelming joy.
How is that possible?
It's a God thing.
Before my family came to visit,
I was focussed on me.
On my grief.
On my pain.
When my focus shifted away from myself,
I received comfort.
It's a "last shall be first, first shall be last" type of God thing.
Who can understand how that works?
But it does.
It was a sweet, gentle reminder that self focus is never healthy, helpful or good.
Shifting my focus to loving others brought untold joy.
I'll try to remember that...
because joy is so much better than grief.
Monday, May 21, 2018
Our family came together to cheer for my daughter as she ran her first half-marathon a few weeks ago.
We've been known to be "not invited" to my niece's high school shooting meets...
Apparently the contestants prefer quiet while aiming.
So, we lined the trails around Deception Pass as the runners made their way through trees, up and down steep hills, across the breathtaking bridge and along the scenic coastline.
It was a challenging course.
We had fun signs and since other people were running by, we cheered for them as well.
Some of them laughed,
Some of them said, "Thanks!"
Some of them high-fived,
All of them smiled.
I took a break to do a little beach combing (I found a bit of sea glass and an agate in case you wondered).
From the beach, I heard my family talking and laughing and cheering as runners went by.
Their voices echoed over the beach.
I rejoined the happy group.
Our voices traveled over the water and up to the trail where my daughter heard us before she could see us.
Our laughter spurred her on.
My daughter said that other runners asked her if we were her family.
She admitted that yes, we were. (I can't tell you how thankful I am that she actually claimed us.)
They appreciated our loud raucous encouragement. (And we do a killer "wave")
They rocked it.
I retreat to the rest room.
By myself, in the quiet of the "loo", the sounds of the house echo through the halls and under the door to where I sit.
What do I hear?
My family loves to laugh.
It echoes in jumbled conversations peppered with chuckles and hilarity followed by gasps between guffaws.
I can't make out a single word but the laughter needs no interpretation.
I finish my business and wash my hands and listen.
I always hesitate to re-join the fun.
Because it's like a favorite song I don't want to end...
I dry my hands and smile.
I love those people.
We don't always get along, or see eye to eye.
There's no harm in disagreeing.
But when we spend time together,
We always laugh.
We laugh at stories, at idiosyncrasies, at each other, at ourselves.
We poke fun, we play tricks and we tell jokes.
And in the laughter is the love.
Thursday, May 17, 2018
Before I left for the United Kingdom, I made a list of things I was excited about. The list is as follows, along with the reality of our experience in parentheses. :)
- Castles (We saw several, my favorite being St. Michaels Mount - a beautiful castle on an island just off the coast of Cornwall...we were the last people of the day to go through the castle - Alex had to run to the ticket booth to get us in before the deadline - and as a result, we got a personal tour! I even got to ring the chapel bell! Pretty cool! Edinburgh castle was also very interesting as was the Tower of London, which was probably the most curious castle of all.)
|A stormy day at St. Michael's Mount in Cornwall|
- Accents (English, Scottish and every accent under the sun. We had a conversation with a waiter in Chester who asked where in America we were from. I said, "What does an American accent sound like to an Engish person...is it pretty? Your accent is so pretty." He said he liked our accent...I still don't think we have one though. His co-worker claimed his pet-peeve was the American mispronunciation of aluminum. He claimed it should be properly pronounced: Al-U-Men-Ium. It does sound fancier, I'll grant him that.
- Meadows filled with sheep (We were not disappointed...they're just so stinkin' cute!)
- Thatched roof cottages (Not as many as I'd anticipated. We did see a few but...only a few...even in The Cotswolds.
- Old cathedrals (Beautiful...stunning...old. We attended Evensong at Westminster Abbey...it was glorious.)
- Flea markets (A little disappointing if I'm honest. We mixed up the day for the flea market we were dying to attend. We went to a couple of others instead and they weren't that great. Lots of clothes but not a lot of antiques. Oh well. We also went to a boot sale - a car boot sale. Our bed and breakfast host warned us that we'd be looking at a lot of rubbish, but we went anyway. He was right. Rubbish.)
|One of the only vintage booths at the flea...|
- Meeting nice people (SO MANY nice people! Always stay in bed and breakfasts when traveling abroad. It's just the best!)
- Catching a glimpse of Will and Kate's new baby? (Nope. But we enjoyed how the people we met were waiting on pins and needles for the announcement of the new prince's name...we guessed his name would be Arthur, but we were biased due to the fact that it was my father's name. We were thrilled when Arthur was one of the chosen names! It was fun to be part of the excitement.)
- New food (We learned what haggis is and tried it anyway. I have to admit, I liked it!)
- Ornate architecture & ruins (Not so much in the UK...that's more an Ireland thing I guess.)
|A raven at the Tower of London.|
- Kilts (We did see many kilts in Edinburgh...but not as many as I'd expected.)
- Music (Shockingly, we ran across two - yes, only two - bagpipe players. One in Edinburgh and one in London. We didn't hear music wafting from pubs like we did in Ireland. I was a little surprised...and disappointed. I love music.)
- Searching for English sea glass (Oh man. The sea glass was amazing. Now I have a gallon-sized ziplock bag of the most beautiful glass to display somehow, somewhere...so excited!)
- Sitting in the drivers seat and not driving (Stressful and nerve-wracking but Alex did a great job keeping our van - yes, a mini-van - within the narrow lines. We may have been honked at more times than we can count and perhaps we went a bit slower than normal but we saw parts of the UK we couldn't have seen otherwise. So proud of my husband!)
|Seen in London...|
|My prince in front of Buckingham Palace...|
- Staringawkwardly at palace guards (Nope. Couldn't get close to 'em. bummer.)
- Fancy words (So many fancy words. Whilst listening for them, I learned that the English people make fun of us for using the word "awesome" so much.)
- Not understanding English...but trying to understand English. (The struggle was real, especially in Scotland.)
- Cobbled streets (Twisted ankles.)
- Climbing King Arthur's Seat (Oh the views! Oh the climb! Oh the satisfaction of reaching the top and looking down at the kingdom of Edinburgh!)
|The London Eye|
|Made it to the top of Arthur's Seat.|
|We were there.|
- Shortbread (I may have eaten too much.)
- Giving tea another try (I didn't. I couldn't. I loathe tea.)
- Walking the streets of Reykjavik. (Colorful buildings, lots of art, cute shops and wool everywhere...the thickest wool sweaters I've ever felt...FAR too warm for even the coldest day in the PNW.)
Hallgrímskirkja, a Lutheran Church of Iceland in Reykjavik.
- Eating something daring in Iceland...but not from the sea...something that isn't fermented in a bucket in the ground for months on end...or something that doesn't have a name that ends in "death". (Alex and I ate - drum roll please - Puffin. It tasted like very lean beef. It was delicious although I had to NOT think about the cute puffins as I consumed it.)
|The Tower Bridge|
|The Scottish Guard outside Buckingham Palace|
|My mom considers scaling the fence to storm the palace.|